So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
