If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
