I accidentally burped into my bong.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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