I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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