What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
