How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
