Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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