We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
