Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Did I show you my penis last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
