Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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