This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize