She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
