well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
