The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize