He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
