nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
bring money and cleavage
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
