Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
