I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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