If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
