I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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