You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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