the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
