Screwed.edu
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
