I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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