He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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