The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Terrible idea I love it
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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