direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
