Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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