yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
