It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And then he peed in my hair
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