only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I want is dick and wine.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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