we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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