After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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