I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
