got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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