what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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