I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
