Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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