3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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