Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Soap is not a condiment
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Couch. On fire.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize