I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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