i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
