I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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