U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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