How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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