If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
