Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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