There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
