i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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