I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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