I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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