Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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