my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
