It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
