me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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