Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize