Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
