just come out here and I will go home with you...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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