my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
