I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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