My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
