And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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