question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
