I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
