Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize