If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
