i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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