lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
