i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
