You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
