Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
