"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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