I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
