I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
