I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
