Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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