There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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