You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
