You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
