every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize