Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
