I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
two words: eviction party
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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