Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
