So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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