rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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