so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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