ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
