Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
