I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
