its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
