We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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